surprise me.

I don't know how to start this. I've never been good at introductions. That's probably why 99% of my english papers are turned in late, because I can't start them, but with that said, I've come to realize that I do not write enough for fun and the stuff that I do write, I find embarrassing enough to throw away. Recently, my life is going crazy. I feel as if I see a little bit more clearly than I did before. I don't know what it was, but I feel like I understand things just a little bit better than I did before. Along with this new understanding has come an unbelievable awareness of my surroundings. I've become increasingly afraid of the future, afraid to have to make any decision that may turn out negatively, along with this comes the trials of everyday life and actually living out the beliefs that I've said I believe all this time. They are now being put to the test and it scares the living hell out of me.

I was talking to one of my best friends, Kristen, today. We were having a conversation about how recent events in my life have led me to have to actually live out my faith and the things that I've told myself and others that I have believed for so long. She proceeded to walk across the room and grab a book that she reads a chapter from everyday called "Surprise Me" by Terry Esau. Today was about being a "robot christian" and "to make a long story short" (as my mother would say), it said that Jesus died for us because he knew he could handle our questions and our sins and how we can't just be "normal", we have to be out there, step out of our comfort zones and really live out what we believe....

this is where my panic begins....